Financial Update – September 2021

Background

Each month I will post an update on my finances to both give you, the reader, some insight into my situation and to give me markers of my progress on my financial journey. My updates include both spending and net worth.

  • Spending is divided into joint and individual spending. My husband gets $600 a month and I get $450 a month for our own individual spending as an “allowance.”
  • I don’t include charitable contributions in our numbers below, but we allocate 10% of our post-tax income to this each year.
  • Our net worth goal tracked using undisclosed units of money. Our goal is to hit “Financial Equilibrium”, based on Thomas J. Anderson’s book The Value of Debt in Building Wealth. This is fairly close to our FIRE number.

The Charts

The Numbers

Monthly Update

Number go up, numbers go down. This month was a (big) down month, mostly due to crypto volatility. So it goes.

Work is going okay. There’s a lot less drama and politics than at my last job, which is nice. And people are generally more competent too, which I appreciate. Still, I’m kind of bored of work. There’s plenty to do, so it’s not like I’m twiddling my thumbs, but I don’t think I’ll be able to learn much here, and there’s still the high level of busy work that has been eating up some evenings. But, in general, it’s a good job, so I am trying to stay positive even if my heart is not in it.

My husband and I have decided to make an appointment with a fertility specialist. We’ve been trying for over a year with no luck, so it seems like the right time. I was sad the other day about not being pregnant yet, and started looking for TTC (trying to conceive) playlists on Spotify. After listening to a few rap playlists I realized that I had instead stumbled upon a trove of Tyler the Creator fans. That was a funny little thing. In any case, we’re talking about where our limits are: neither of us wants sperm/egg donors if only one of us is infertile, I don’t really want to do IVF but I’m willing to go through one round of egg extraction if we get that to that point. Adoption is the next step if we cannot conceive, though if we are honest, both of us would like if we can to have our own biological children. I like the idea of a little DH/me hybrid running around in the world.

I’d say I’ve been having a lot of feelings about not being pregnant yet, but that’s not true. I’ve only the one: sad. Not angry sad or anxious sad or scared sad or impatient sad. Just a quiet, calm puddle of tears that I scoop in my hands into and splash my numbed face with once and a while. I know we’re doing what we can and taking action as we need to, and I know in the big scheme of things we haven’t been trying that long, and I know we have a lot of resources that’ll enable us to be parents one way or another, and I know we have much else to be thankful for besides. But it doesn’t make it hurt less. And I’m just accepting those feelings because that’s where I am right now.

How was your September

9 thoughts on “Financial Update – September 2021

  1. I’m sorry to hear of the sadness you are experiencing. Even knowing that you have resources, it seems so unfair how random fertility and pregnancy is. You guys will be great parents, and I hope the road to get there gets easier on you. Related, a reduced drama job with competent people is probably a pretty good fit for this time in your life.

    Our september was OK. A bit of a down month here too for $$, but everything else is looking up a bit.

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  2. I’m sorry about your sadness. Having many other blessings can’t take away the pain of this particular struggle. Much virtual support to you in this time.

    I echo SP’s feelings about the unfairness of the random and unpredictability of fertility and pregnancy and the whole of childbearing. I hope for all the best outcomes for you both on this journey and that you’ll have the hybrid(s) you’re looking for.

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  3. Good luck! TTC helped me find out about all my other health problems (I have PCOS, also a blocked tube), so that was something. Though it sucks that it took not being able to have a baby for a doctor to take my problems seriously.

    DH had low sperm count but that was easily fixed by vitamins.

    One recommendation I do have that you probably already know– reproductive endocrinologists can be more helpful than gynecologists. In my experience (and the experience of many people on the fertility boards I joined while ttc), RE wanted to actually figure out what the underlying problem was and fix it, whereas gynecologists were more, let’s throw progressively stronger fertility meds at you and see if anything sticks.

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    1. Oh interesting! We have appointments with a fertility clinic and already it feels kind of like a conveyer belt of IUI and IVF, so it’s good to know that we have other options. (Sadly, I know very little about this area and I think I have had too much of a mental block to really dig into things.)

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      1. If they don’t start with a full fertility workup, go see an RE not at a clinic if necessary. If they only take blood to test a few numbers and then jump you straight to Clomid, go see an RE first for a full workup.

        For PCOS, for example, Clomid can help you get pregnant but it won’t keep you pregnant. What you actually need is metformin (an insulin sensitizing medication). But you should also know that it isn’t your thyroid and you don’t have POF (premature ovarian failure) before you do any Clomid or IUI. And that it’s not low sperm count (which can be easy to fix! but clomid is completely useless for you, though you could have an IUI if there’s a low sperm count problem that can’t be fixed with vitamins).

        IUI without clomid is good for if the problem is with the consistency of your cervical mucus… but so is robitussin.

        If your first appointment isn’t for a while, you might want to buy a nice thermometer and measure your basal temperature (that’s the temp before you get out of bed) to see if you can tell what is going on with your ovulation cycle. It will spike right before ovulation, if I recall correctly (PCOS can look like little mountain ranges). You can also buy ovulation prediction kits if you want to time intercourse.

        Then there’s 4d u/s which can find some physical problems. There’s also tests for blocked tubes but those are really unpleasant and they can’t really do much about a blocked tube other than IVF.

        Sorry if that’s too much information– this was a good portion of my life before DC1 was born. (But happily once we figured out my problems, DC2 was just a matter of waiting for the metformin to kick in.)

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        1. Thanks for the detailed response! We met with our doctor and she outlined the testing plan. Hormonal blood tests, genetic screening, and some 4d u/s for me (including the one to see if my tubes are blocked) and sperm analysis for my husband. She was really great at putting us at ease and I’m glad a lot of what she was saying matched with your comment here. So fingers crossed!

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